It's drafty here.
Not my house...Me.
I'm so full of drafts. Thoughts waiting to be posted. I think them up, I check them and recheck them. I edit them. I rethink, reword, spell-check them. Then I let them sit there. All in my head.
Then I do it in Blogger. I type many drafts. I spill my guts..I tell all. I release all these intimate feelings. Then I leave them there to gather dust.
Sometimes I actually post them, and then take them back.
I can't say all in my blog. Have you ever had those feelings that you can't even express in your journal? Or to your best friend? Then what? How do you express those huge emotions that are just sitting there in the files of your mind? I have all these thoughts filed away and no way to express them. No one to express them to. Some things you just can't share. Some things are meant to be filed away and left alone.
That's hard to do. Take an immense feeling and file it away forever. Act like it's not priority.
I see it as strength. To put it away is the right thing to do. Forget about it. Move on.
But, you don't move on, you don't forget. That file still jumps out at you with that big word DRAFT on it. Telling you that it's only temporary and it needs to go somewhere eventually.
So do you delete it? This HUGE feeling you have? Delete and forget?
No...delete maybe, not forget. I can't delete them. I've tried. So, it stays a draft.
DRAFT. Geez, I have many drafts filed away. I'm starting to hate that word.
I am such a closed file. I have friends, friends I would love to share some things with. But, I can't. Not because of them, but because of me.
And it's not that I'm not willing to share, but some things are just meant to be DRAFTS.
I guess in life when you have a draft, you try to close it or cover it with something so it can't get through. We all want to get rid of the draft.
I want to get rid of the draft too. But, I'm going to need a really really big blanket.
Or a really really big caulking gun.
12 comments:
I have those "items" too... I think everyone does. The way I deal with them is to put them in the vault. They go in and never come out....I dont consider them drafts....that implies I still have to do something with them or they are lying about cluttering up my life.....ya know?
Yup, I agree with the guy above me here. You can't consider them 'drafts'. That does mean you intend to further work on them. We do ALL have 'drafts' ... what I do with mine (since I too cannot put 99% of them here on blogger) is I write them out -- get them OUT of my head/heart -- and then I hold a little "burning ceremony". My "drafts" float away with the wisps of smoke .... and I need not think on them any longer. Well, I suppose I do sometimes think on them ... but I don't consider them 'pending' any further. They've been dismissed in the smoke.
I see the 'guy' above me is a gal ... sorry!
There is always a friendly stranger to give these to. Sometimes you simply need to give them away for them to disappear.
Take Care
Michael
My Aunt lives in this really really old house that was built back before the slave days. It's on some historic list now. Her house has an underground tunnel and was used as part of the underground railroad to help slaves hide and escape. The house has had many owners and has been renovated many many times, caulked here, blocked up there to prevent the drafts. My Aunt says her house is haunted. She is always trying to block the drafts. I always wonder if its "ghosts" or "spirits" just trying to be heard, tired of being hidden away behind caulking and heavy blankets. She says her ghost is a "nice" but when she tries to ignore it, it becomes mischievious, and nagging. I wonder if she (my aunt) just let it vent, would it be quiet and finally rest in peace? Sometimes its the very best old houses that have drafts. In a way they seem to have more character than other houses. I love character...when everything is the same, then there's just...sameness. For myself, I tell my dog. I know he would never betray me or judge me, and I won't have kept it in nagging and eating away at me. Hopefully I won't become one of the restless spirits that the next owner of this house tries to caulk away. Stacie
Hope that didn't sound too weird...especially given the time of year..I just meant maybe its better to tell them..even if its you dog and not a real person..might help. Stacie
I guess in this instance, I don't have that problem. Not for the most part, anyway. I have really depended on my blog to be able to talk about what's on my mind. There are a few exceptions, but mostly, I don't have drafts. I just write the words & then close the browser. So I don't give myself the opportunity to mess with them. I put them out there & for some reason, it usually gives me peace. There are other times I do keep things in. But that's usually to protect myself or someone else.
M~
Vault is a good idea...but when does it get too full?
I like the burning idea..I have the fireplace going now.
I do realize there are many out there that would listen to me, thanks.
But, I am protecting me (and others) by not sending the "drafts".
Oh and Stacie--not wierd at all,my animals have heard plenty somedays. They are such good listeners!
Thanks all :)
I've done the burning ceremony too, Wendy. And afterwards, sometimes I'll burn sage & sweetgrass smudges just to make everything feel cleaner. It's surprising how lifted you feel afterwards.
I don't really have drafts... but I sure do post and edit, post and edit. It's the writer in me. But I definitely don't post things that might ... hurt someone I know, even though I crave a way to express these things in my life. So I def. understand what you're saying, Leesa.
Sometimes, I'll do art... or a collage... use clippings, make this symbolic image of what I'm feeling. It really gets it "out there." And no one is the wiser but me. ~S
Thanks, Rebel & Shephard. The drafts will be drafts until I figure out what to do with them:)
It is a release just to write/type things out, whether they ever go anywhere or not. I might just move it all somewhere else so I don't always have to see that "draft" word staring at me.
Storing is good... I have a gmail address, because Gmail allows me to label and archive stuff. Great for storing future ideas. ~S
Hey...Ms Drm2B here (teehee) ...no biggy Wendy....
anywho...the vaults size?? Its as big as it needs to be....stuff that goes in there disintergrates over time....
The only time I use the burning thing is during a pagan ceremony....gotta be careful with that stuff...fire does have power.
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