40 Things

40 things a Southerner would never say
(**I'm a southerner, so I can joke about myself too**)

40. Oh I just couldn't. Hell, she's only sixteen
39. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
38. Duct tape won't fix that.
37. Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael.
36. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken. (What????)
35. We don't keep firearms in this house.
34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
33. You can't feed that to a dog.
32. I thought Graceland was tacky.
31. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
30. Wrasslin's fake.
29. Honey, did you mail the donation to Greenpeace?
28. We're Vegetarians.
27. Do you think my gut is too big?
26. I'll have the grapefruit and grapes instead of the biscuits and gravy.
25. Honey we don't need another dog.
24. Who's Richard Petty?
23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
21. Spittin is such a nasty habit.
20. I just couldn't find a thing at WalMart today.
19. Trim the fat off that steak.
18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
17. The tires on that truck are too big.
16. I'll have the arugala and radicchio salad.
15. I've got it all on C drive.
14. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
13. Would you like your salmon poached or boiled?
12. My fiancé, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
11. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too much fat.
9. CHECKMATE!!
8. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.
7. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
6. Hey, here's an episode of "HEE HAW" that we haven't seen.
5. I don't have a favorite college team.
4. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
3. I believe you cooked those green beans too long.
2. Those shorts ought to be longer, Darla.
1. Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin tonight.